Broken Treadmill

The coined phrase, "it is wild to see how far we have come" seems to be a fitting reflection for many folks. For me it wild to see how long the car has been in neutral. Perhaps i set unrealistic expectations, have a poor perspective on real growth, or may be hedging towards simple pessimism. There is something noble in your development to set your dreams on a mountain top and begin the process or equipping yourself for the summit. So often times I (and people in general) end up at the bottom of the mountain spending precious time skipping rocks and spinning carabiners rather than embracing the duty at hand. I assume some of the apprehension is based on fear of change or is masked with the label of procrastination. I battle the cliche to achieve potential or excellence because I am afraid that if i achieve it then it will only fester into passiveness. Motivation is all that matters and when you finally defeat the selfish demons that drive most motivations the tank must be filled with a different fuel. To attempt to grasp an eternal fuel or motivation is an ideal that i seem to struggle with at this point. I can collect myself and understand the concept of denying selfish pursuits but I feel as if it leaves us in limbo between true soul service and internal idol worship. This is the most dangerous place to rest when it comes to motivation. No false promise to push or prod and no divine beacon or driving force to reinforce the challenge ahead. This place develops a sense of numbness and state of sensationless that can leave you crippled.

That is the crossroads that I and so many other Christians have to face at this point. Developing a commitment of faith must have a divine motivation and not a motivation for earthly legacy. You have to get aggressive with God and demand that soul fire that turns weak church-speak into real experience that is authentic and free from fabrication. Lets be honest, God set unrealistic expectations with Christ and Jesus decided to man up to take care of business in a snapshot of a life that most of us live. We give honor to average people for what they do with 90 years on this earth and He tore this place apart in 1/3rd of that time. I pray that I find the fortitude to embrace a push and to demand the vision of an opportunity from Him.