Ya up above is me and father time staying fly with my main man the park ranger up in big bend last summer.... just thought its only necessary to pop off some classic pics from time to time.
well getting home is always a bittersweet remembrance of the past for me... some of the good but more often than not a refresher course on all the bad. This break has allowed me to step outside of my life and just see what the hell is wrong with the program right now.
First of all, where is God? Well of course hes up in heaven doing his thing... but i mean where is he in my life. Its your typical im devoted... trail off... then hop back on the gravy train again... Frankly thats frustrating as hell. It is reassuring that it pains me that im not content with my relationship with him right now though. This tells that i do indeed actually give a rat's ass about my salvation and just how the Lord works in my life. Now time to dig in and start doing his work... which is always easier said than done. Its not that i dont want to do it... its just that it is certainly challenging at times. First prime objective is talking to Ed about his faith. His life is more jumbled than a game of 52 card pickup... there are 52 cards in a deck right? The drugs, the lack of responsibility, and the childish games are only the surface problems. Really i know it goes much deeper though. I know that he grew up catholic and to be honest with you i dont care what anybody thinks if you find jesus thru any avenue than the Lord has done his promised work. (catholic or not...) So maybe i can just get the ball rolling and perhaps throw some questions or some uncertainty into that mixed up puzzle of his. My mom seems almost unreachable at times... her rough emotional exterior (ill do things my way, relying on myself because i grew up that way) is a wall that seems like it reaches to the sky. Just maybe the lord will provide a twist in her life that will enable him to show his face to her.... who knows. Ok i could on with this list forever it seems like... which really sucks but then again it also gives glimmers of hope (i do emphasize glimmers).
Second, i seem lost to even myself... it seems like only Lindsay notices it lately i guess. But i have been down for quite some while... It hard having somebody you love move away for good even though its just a couple hours down the interstate. and yes im talking about barker. I just cant shake the fact that that i feel disconnected. I know i say it alot and its mightily over used but i dont know how else to put it. When i think about why i just confuse myself more... ok well Lindsay will kick my rear if say anything more probably... probably get embarrassed...
third, direction.... just a little bit would be nice. Well i thought that i was back on a good foot again in school but i guess i tricked myself. I was expecting 4 B's and one D... But good ole banner just told me that i got 3B's, 1c, and one big ole nasty smack ya up side the face F. Apparently i got a 78 or a 79 in the class i got a C in and my teacher decided to be a cold hearted arsehold. The F really took me by suprise though... well what can i do know but suck it up and go back to the grind for another 27 semesters. Atleast im taking a january short course thanks the help rosebaugh. He helped force me in ministry to fathers and im really looking forward to what i will run across in there.
Fourth, work... work in general at the post office... the possibility of working at footlocker again over this christmas break... Work. Work sucks i thank God that i am a full time student and only have to work part time.Granted i do wish that the part time work did pay more than 5.15. Sometimes i contemplate livin the crooked life selling drugs like tookie or 50 cent or one of those fly dudes that you come across from time to time... But that aint crap cause its only gonna catch up with ya. Id rather have a 100 the honest way in my bank account than a crooked Grand cause id probably end up droppin it on bail sooner or later anyhow. But what do i know... im middle class white suburban christian. But i do know a thing or to growing up under tom and cheryl's roof. a blessing and a curse...
Well hit me up with a comment or gimmie a holler...
Well this blog is just about wrapped up just like mutombo's ballin career,
Harrison the Great
1 comment:
cody, love the blog man, especially your honesty. props to you for being real and not just pretending like everything is fine and dandy. i think the Lord really moves in moments like you just shared, when we're vulnerable and unsure. may you feel his presence today.
come holla at us in dallas
Post a Comment